Artisans and minstrels are needed for my kids

Don’t miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke’s Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday

— Adam Green





They say it takes a village to raise a child. They were right. Because when you’ve got multiple children, with multiple activities at multiple locations they need to be, that village becomes mighty important. I’ve been really fortunate to have plenty of villagers shuttle my cherubs all over town, and I extend a heartfelt thanks to each and every one of them, for saving my sanity and time! But it has come to my attention that I could use a few villagers of yore. A cobbler would be nice. At the rate my children’s feet grow I’d have that cobbler cobbling all day long. “Can you whip me up another pair of sports shoes please sir, a big toe has busted through again!” A baker would be good as well, the loaves of bread in our house disappear at an astonishing rate, I’ll catch glimpses of butterless, spreadless, dry bread waving about in a kid’s hand every once in a while, and at least three $62 supermarket visits a week are driven by a need for a new loaf. Getting the kids off a device remains a challenge in our household, a minstrel might be the solution to this problem. In a medieval village, a minstrel was often called upon to entertain the nobles, singing, playing instruments and telling stories. “Dad, can we watch YouTube?” they’d ask. “No. The minstrel will be playing the lute for the next 30 minutes, go and enjoy your lute time,” bonus being bedtime stories would also be one less job you’d have to do. The farmer would come in mighty handy with the cost of meat the way it is. I could send the minstrel down on a Friday night to entertain in return for four chickens and a quarter cow a month. Not to mention the veggies, with iceberg lettuce at $4.99 a head the savings would be astronomical. As a member of the village that is sadly lacking many practical skills and the tools to do them, a carpenter would be a wonderful final addition to the village crew. Odd jobs around the home completed with the greatest of ease, and when called upon to help with props for the children’s school production, off the carpenter would go, while I put my feet up and enjoy a rousing rendition of Sweet Child O Mine played expertly on the minstrel’s harp. It takes a village to raise a child, applications are open for mine!